Etiquette

When Your Host Says You Don’t Need to Bring Anything, Believe Them!

An unrequested contribution to a meal may not be the gift you intend

Image created by Jacquelyn Lynn using MockupShots

When I’m invited to someone’s home for a meal, I ask, “What can I bring?”

If my host says I can bring a particular dish, I do. But if they say, “Nothing,” I don’t bring food for that event.

To be clear: I don’t go empty-handed.

That would be rude. I bring a gift such as custom note cards created by my photographer husband; scented candles, flowers, or a plant (if I know they’ll be appreciated); or a nice bottle of wine or liqueur for my hosts to enjoy later. But I don’t bring a dish to be served at that event.

I have some wonderful friends I love dearly but they don’t listen when I tell them I have the menu planned and they shouldn’t bring anything. It’s frustrating.

I also have some wonderful friends who think the same way I do and we’ve agreed not to even bother going through the “what can I bring” motions anymore. It makes going to one another’s homes for meals so pleasant.

When you bring a dish the host isn’t expecting, you create challenges for your host.

Years ago, my husband and I were hosting a heavy hors d’oeuvres event for a large group. We told everyone not to bring anything — we had the menu and the presentation planned. Several friends got together and decided they would bring dishes anyway. While their hearts were in the right place, their food didn’t go with our menu and we had no place on the serving table for it.

It’s good manners to ask if you can bring something. It’s also good manners to take your hosts at their word if they say no.

Do manners still matter? Yes.

Thanks for reading! Here’s a little more about me:

I Couldn’t be an Elephant, so I Became a Writer

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